Bump Check: Week 27

If you’ve been around me for an extended period of time in the last couple of weeks, chances are you’ve heard me talk about the baby moving.  That’s because she moves pretty frequently and it still feels so weird (yet awesome)!  Don’t think that just because I’m the pregnant one that this is normal to me.  Imagine there was a small person rolling in your belly.  You would probably tell everybody about it too.

For a long time, I could only feel her kick or punch, but now I feel her move and tumble around too.  When Scott’s around and she’s moving a lot, I usually say to him, “She’s a busy girl,” or something to that effect.  Sometimes I ask Scott what he thinks she’s doing in there.  Some of his responses have included:

(1) “She’s doing some feng shui.”

(2) “She’s building an ark. I’d wondered where my lumber has been going.”

(3) “She’s updating her Twitter.”

Here are some of the things I like to imagine the baby is doing:

• Hanging up some framed pictures on my uterine wall
• Backing that thang up (à la a 1999 music video)
• Bowling (and my bladder is the one pin)
• Baking something for me…perhaps a delicious pie.  Mmmm….pie….

Also, if you’ve been around me for an extended period of time in the last, oh…3 months, surely you’ve heard me whine about my back/rib area and/or push my hand a lot on the top of my belly to make my rib feel a bit better.  The pain consumes my brain a lot and it makes me feel like a crazy pregnant lady.  I also feel crazy because no ladies I know personally have experienced this type of pregnancy pain, just a few random ladies on some pregnancy forums.  Though this isn’t true (and nobody in my life has made me feel this way), sometimes I tell myself that people around me think, “Suck it up Michelle.  You’re only 6 months pregnant.  Your second trimester is supposed to be the most comfortable.  This didn’t happen when my friend and cousin were pregnant.  Stop whining.” 

Then I remember what my pregnancy bible says – no two women's symptoms are the same…everybody is different.  I remembered this especially during this last weekend as we watched my father-in-law complete an Ironman triathlon in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho (where I felt especially guilty for whining about some rib pain…these people just swam 2.4 miles, biked 112 miles, and then topped it off with a marathon).  If everyone was created equal, all 2700 people completing the triathlon would have ended at exactly the same time and felt exactly the same way when they got to the finish line, but that’s just ridiculous (and would also make for a lot of elbows in the face during the event).  Variations in pregnancy bodies is no different – this 9 month journey is unique to each individual. 

As I sit here on the couch after a nap and some Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, I would like to reiterate how I just sort of compared being pregnant to being a triathlete, except instead of getting elbowed in the face while swimming in a freezing cold lake, I’m getting elbowed in the spleen while eating some freezing cold ice cream.  Very similar.

How far along: 27 weeks

Current fruit comparison: She’s 16” from head to toe and weights about 2.5lbs.  Apparently she’s as big as a head of cauliflower…with ranch dressing?

Total weight gain/loss: +20lbs, following another vacation getaway, I consider this a victory.

Sleep: Not a problem!  I hope this pattern continues.

Best moment this week: A wonderful mini-baby shower at Tortilla Jack’s with Amanda & Kelli (and Sarah in spirit)!  Also, baby’s last flight as a fetus.  I’m sure flying with an infant will be WAY easier than flying with a fetus (badum ching)!

Movement: Lots of movement. I try to take videos of my belly moving, but I think she gets camera shy.

Food cravings: Same old – Goodcents, pasta…really most things I craved before I was pregnant.

What I miss: Sitting without my torso feeling like it’s on fire.  Boo.

Milestones: Starting my 3^rd trimester!

Bump Check: Week 26

So we spent the first week of summer at the beach with my family, which was wonderful.  What was I dreading?  Putting all extra 19lbs of me in a bathing suit and strutting my stuff around a public beach.

Rewind to every time I swimsuit shopped prior to being pregnant: I’m sure I cried in the dressing room.  I’m also sure my mom has witnessed this every time.

Fast forward to maternity swimsuit shopping: I took my mom because moms know best and she doesn’t judge me when I try on swimsuits with spiky armpits.  We went to Destination Maternity in the One Nineteen shopping center.  [Side note: There are not very many cute maternity clothing stores.  I swear, there’s like 3 or so.  This place had some pretty cute stuff though.] 

I haven’t bought a two-piece swimming suit since 1997 (it was neon orange…jealous?).  Though my husband makes me feel wonderful about my pregnancy body, no amount of self-confidence could make me wear a two-piece swimming suit.  Tankinis also don’t work very well if you have love handles (and I do, thank you very much).  So Mom and I ended up focusing on one-piece maternity suits.  It seriously took only 2 minutes for my mood to change in that dressing room.  Normally, it only takes 2 minutes for me to start crying, but this time, it took 2 minutes and I was clapping with delight!  Probably starting in college, I would try on swimming suits, look in the mirror, and say, “Ugh, I look pregnant.”  This time as I shopped, I put on a swimming suit, looked in the mirror, and said, “Yay! I look pregnant!”  It made a huge difference in the process.  I’m sure I wasn’t really showing too much at the time we bought the swimming suit and most of my “baby belly” was just ranch dressing, but it made me feel better. 

Sorry to disappoint, but we don’t have a picture of me in my maternity suit from the beach.  Really, I don’t think I would have minded!  We just didn’t take many pictures, mostly because we did the same thing every day, so unless you want to see 10 pictures of me Sudokuing, 10 pictures of Scott napping, and 10 pictures of my family playing cards, then you can’t complain.  I can’t find my exact suit online anymore, but it sort of looks like this one, only my suit was $30, not $100.  Even better!  Oh, my suit also has ruffles on it, cause that’s how I roll.

In conclusion, maternity swimsuit shopping is SO much better than regular swimsuit shopping.  Talk to me about swimsuits in about a year.  I’ll probably punch you in the face…then cry.

Note: After Scott took this picture, I looked at it and said, "Oh my gosh. I'm REALLY pregnant!"

How far along: 26 weeks

Current fruit comparison: Now instead of measuring baby head to butt, we measure head to toe, so she’s 15” and 2.2lbs.  Supposedly she’s now a cucumber…but a 15” cucumber?  That’s just gross.

Total weight gain/loss: +19…no change from last week, which is great.  I don’t think my body wanted to gain weight that quickly.

Sleep: Pretty good…have to pee a lot now as baby gets bigger and naps on my bladder.  She’s totally worth it.

Best moment this week: The paras at the high school I worked out last year planned a surprise baby shower for me! I thought I was meeting up with this for lunch, but it was a shower (complete with a tiara for me).  Awesome.

Movement: She is super busy! I used to let Scott know every time I felt her move, but now I would be bothering him at work all day.  She’s busiest when I’m just sitting still.  I think she just gets used to me moving around and so when I stop, she’s like, “Hey lady!  Keep your butt in gear!”

Food cravings: Goodcents cheese mix sandwich on wheat with cheddar and provolone.  Add lettuce, black pepper, olive oil, extra vinegar, extra mayo.  Delightful.

What I miss: Sitting up quickly.  Now I grunt and groan if I was lying down and need to get up.

Milestones: It’s the last week of my 2^nd trimester!

Bump Check: Week 25

Are you there Heidi?  It’s me, Michelle.

For those of you that don’t know, Heidi Murkoff is the author of the well-known What to Expect When You’re Expecting book that seems to be a pregnancy staple.  She’s my homegirl.  She makes me feel not crazy when my body does weird things (apparently bleeding gums is normal) and she helps me anticipate that even weirder things are going to happen (Stinky vaginal discharge?  Awesome!).

Recently, I had a weird experience that Heidi had not warned me about at this stage of the game.  It wasn’t in my current chapter in the book nor did it appear on the iPhone app.  Here’s what happened. NOTE: This whole situation happened in about 3 seconds, but I went through 38 emotions in those 3 seconds.   

I was taking a nap one afternoon (gasp…what a shock), and was happily dozing in pregnancy dream bliss.  I was wearing my très chic maternity wear (aka another one of Dad’s Wolfe’s shirts a la 1976).  I awoke nestled in my ridiculous looking Boppy body pillow and was quite happy. As I shifted to a new position, I felt something wet on my shirt…right by my left boob.  Umm…excuse me?  “HEIDI?!?!  What is this????  This was NOT in the book yet.  Ewww ewww eww.  HEIDI!  I don’t like the word ‘discharge’.  Is this some type of ‘discharge’?”  After some further investigation of my pillow, as well as some sniffing, I quickly determined that this wasn’t creepy boob discharge, just drool.  Yup.  Drool.  Who drools on their boob?  I mean really.  Maybe it’s just getting so big that is migrates up by my face during nap time.  Who knows what those crazy things do while I’m asleep.  In addition, I may or may not have eaten some candy right before my nap, so the drool spot was all hard & sugary.  Awesome.  I’m so glad that all this weird stuff happens after a baby is conceived.  Can you imagine me turning to my husband pre-baby and asking him if he wants to make a baby?  Me…in my dad’s old t-shirt, underwear that doesn’t fit, and a giant drool stain on my shirt?  Bow chicka bow wow.

How far along: 25 weeks

Current fruit comparison: A 2lb eggplant!

Total weight gain/loss: Umm…[hangs head]…+19.  What?!  I just stepped on the scale for the first time in awhile.  I’m glad that my trip to HyVee today consisted of mostly fruits & veggies.  Bring on a healthier summer eating plan!

Sleep: Still good!  Just wet (see above).

Best moment this week: The whole week was spent in North Carolina at the beach with my family – perfection.

Movement: She seems busiest at night when I’m lying down.  I spent a few minutes every night just watching my belly move.

Food cravings: Well…at the beach this week, I ate a lot of pasta & ice cream, so that I guess?  Maybe that’s why I’m up 19lbs.  Sigh.

What I miss: Now that my first year of teaching is over, I miss going to work every morning.  Sike!  [Oooo, gotchya.]

Milestones: Scott claims he can see my linea nigra…weird.

Bump Check: Week 24

Bonjour, baby.  Bonjour, back pain.

Back pain, Phase I: About 2 months ago, I noticed a pinpointed pain in my middle back.  I figured it would go away, but alas, it did not.  I called my doctor, just to make sure this was nothing to worry about, and I was assured that is was probably just muscular pain from all of my ligaments and such shifting around.  Shortly after talking with my doctor, the pain got worse…bad enough that I bawled on the way home from dinner one night on the phone with Scott (What?  Me crying?  Nooooo….).  Fortunately, I found that one thing does make my back fill better – lying down.  This works great when I’m around a couch, but not so great when I’m at school.  Lucky for me, summer break has arrived!  Unfortunately for my students, there were a handful of times that I’d get them up and going on a project and then lay down on the floor of my classroom.  My students already comment on how weird I am, so this was no surprise to them. 

Back pain, Phase II: I went for a pre-natal massage with a delightful massage therapist.  I was, at first, slightly creeped out when she started massaging my stomach.  Imagine this, if you will.  You are lying naked on an elevated bed in a room with windows where the blinds are kind of shut.  You have a sheet over your lower half, and a sheet covering up your jubblies (or moobs [man boobs] if you’re a guy), and a stranger is slowly (perhaps seductively) rubbing lotion over your stomach.  This scenario could be one of three things: (1) extremely creepy/awkward (2) the start of a cheap porn called “Pre-natal Passions”, or (3) relaxing and comforting.  Lucky for me, the scenario was #3…oddly comforting.  After the massage, the therapist mentioned that part of what could be hurting me was having a rib out of place, and suggested to me a chiropractor that specializes in pre-natal, infant, and child chiropractics.  I called my doctor and she approved of the next phase on my back pain journey.  Join me…

Back pain, Phase III: I arrived at the chiropractor not knowing what to expect.  I’ve never been a knuckle/back popper, and I was a little leery of the idea.  I even asked my friend Kelsey (a chiropractic veteran) what to wear to the chiropractor.  She said anything, even jeans, but to avoid skirts or dresses so I don’t flash this nice chiropractor my naughty bits.  I’m sure everybody’s experience with a chiropractor is different, but I will say that this was not pleasant nor painful. I didn’t walk out feeling totally relieved and I never once felt hurt. I did, however, develop a crush on my lady chiropractor when she informed me that my spine was “pissed off”.  The chiropractor said to give it a few days and then call.  I went back in for a second treatment and she said that if the second visit didn’t fix it, she’d suggest a physical therapist.

Back pain, Phase IV [the final frontier]: My 24 week check up at the doctor was last week, so I mentioned to the doc that the chiropractor had suggested a physical therapist.  After some discussion, the doctor suggested I try a muscle relaxer, which she assured me was safe for the baby.  She said to take it for 48 hours to see if it made it feel any better.  Well, aside from possibly taking away some of the pain, the muscle relaxer also took away my personality.  No, seriously.  I was like a drone.  The weirdest part was that regular Michelle was still inside my head being quite social and slightly inappropriate (as usual), but outside Michelle looked like everything going on around her was the lamest thing she’s ever seen.  People would say things to me, I’d give them a one-word answer, and then regular Michelle in my head would be like, “You should have said more than that, but you didn’t.  You suck.  These people won’t be your friends for much longer.”  Then regular Michelle in my head probably cried about the thought of losing all of her friends to a lack-of-personality, but outside Michelle just sat and stared at the wall.  My sincerest apologies to Scott, my family, Kayla, Molly, Caleb, & Jason for witnessing Emotionless Michelle.  Please don't stop being my friend.

Back pain, conclusion: My muscle relaxer will sit in the medicine cabinet as a last resort.  I’ll take it before I climb a mountain, run a marathon, or build a house.  Other than that, I’d rather have regular Michelle on the inside and outside, who spends 80% of her life lying down.

P.S. Since I’m on summer break, feel free to come to my house and watch my lie on the couch.  It’s thrilling, I swear.

How far along: 24 weeks

Current fruit comparison: Eggplant (parmesan?)

Total weight gain/loss: I didn’t weigh myself this week…oops. J

Sleep: Still not an issue (knock on wood)

Best moment this week: The last day of school!

Movement: Yes, and I love it. I can’t wait for it to be harder for others to consistently feel.

Food cravings: Lemonade AND the cheese mix sandwich from Goodcents.  How did I not think of this before??  The best part of any Goodcents sandwich is obviously the mayo and lettuce mixture…and I can have it on a cheese sandwich.  Delightful. I’ve been 3 times in the last week.

Free food from students: I barely had any students, let alone free food.  I’ll be taking this category away for the next 2 months (oh darn).

What I miss: Jazzercise (what?!).  I can barely walk a block without my back hating me, let alone jump around and enjoy Jazzercise.

Milestones: My favorite baby tidbit from the What to Expect book this week tells me that baby girls nostrils had plugs in them until now.  She has nostrils!  I love it.  I can’t wait until we start sticking french fries up our noses together.

Bump Check: Week 23

We read that Baby Dicus is now able to hear very well in the womb.  Experts say the baby can hear my heartbeat, digestion noises (which are louder and more frequent than the average person), my voice, and other voices around me.  I also heard that if you have a dog, you should let the dog bark around your belly so the baby gets used to the noise and perhaps will be a better sleeper.  Well, we don’t have a dog, but I believe the following noises will be so comforting to the baby because she hears them all the time already:

·      The Jeopardy theme song

·      My mom playing the piano (baby specifically likes Debussy)

·      Scott & I making fake farting noises and laughing way too hard about them

·      The narrator’s voice from the iPhone game “You Don’t Know Jack”

·      The sound of me chewing Tums

·      Scott playing the vuvuzela – this is not a joke.  He bought one off Amazon and it lives in our bedroom.  Jealous?

·      “Welcome to McDonald’s. Can I take your order?”

·      “Welcome to Taco Bell. Can I take your order?”

·      “Welcome to Chick Fil A. Can I take your order?”

Super pregnant moment of the week: On Memorial Day, I woke up really craving a pulled pork sandwich and some onion straws from McGonigles, which is 2 blocks from our house.  I laid in bed checking their website and Facebook page to see if they were open, but couldn’t figure it out.  Fatty McPreggo over here decided to stare out the window looking to see if McGonigles was open.  Picture me, hungry, 5 months pregnant, hair that needs to be washed, underwear I outgrew a month or two ago, and a one of my dad’s Wolfe’s shirt from 1975 that (like all my other PJ shirts) somehow has chocolate on it…starring out the window looking for some pork.  Sadly, McGonigles was not open.  I sort of wanted to cry (just ask my husband).  This is also not the first time I’ve wanted to cry about food while pregnant.  Actually, one time before I was pregnant, Taco Bell forgot to give me my chicken nacho cheese chalupa and I didn’t notice until I got home.  That time I actually cried.  Don’t judge.

 

Extra note: Is it weird to get hand-me-down baby clothes from your students’ babies?  I don’t know, but it’s happening to me.  I did receive this pair of brand new, gold, newborn flats from a student today.  What the awesome?!

How far along: 23 weeks

Current fruit comparison: The What to Expect iPhone app says she’s the size of an ear of corn: 8.5 inches and 1.5lbs

Total weight gain/loss: +12.6lbs

Sleep: Still pretty good!

Best moment this week: Spending the day in Topeka on Sunday & enjoying time with my family…eating at Casa, watching Scott nap, shopping with my parents, picking up some Tad’s.

Movement: Yes!  Definite kicking is happening.

Food cravings: See super pregnant moment above.

Free food from students: Snickers, pancakes (from Ms. Hahs…love you, sugar)

What I miss: Not having my aching body dictate my life.  I went to the chiropractor last week and am going again this week.  Apparently I have a slipped rib head (oh joy)!

Milestones: My mama felt baby girl move!

Bump Check: Week 22

Hello ladies and gentlemen.  This week on “Wow, this is way too much information”, we’ll be discussing pee and poop.

Not surprising pee news: Yes, you do pee more when you’re pregnant.  It was really bad during my 1^st trimester because of some hormone that I should remember the name of, but don’t.  Now, during my 2^nd trimester, it’s really not a problem.  I think I pee the same amount I did before I was pregnant, maybe an extra time at night.  Oh, when I eat onions or garlic, my pee smells like onions or garlic.  I think it’s always been that way, though.  Just wanted to share.  It’s like revisiting a delicious meal every time you head to the toilet.

Surprising pee news: I pee when I sneeze.  I mean, I figured this might be an issue after giving birth because your lady parts are a little loosey goosey…but 22 weeks?  Peeing while sneezing?  Apparently it happens.  Now, it doesn’t happen every time, so if you’re around me and I sneeze, don’t start looking at me like, “Michelle, is it warm down there now?”  Trust me…if I pee a little, you’ll know it based on my face. 

Let’s discuss pooping.  *Side note: I was trading euphemisms for pooping with my students and after I shared “dropping the kids off at the pool”, I learned this little gem from a student: “I hope the Browns make it to the Superbowl”.  It’s my new favorite.

Men: This is your last portion of this week’s blog post.  Girls don’t poop.  We might sit on the toilet, but butterflies and daisies come out.  That is all…you can go on with whatever you were doing online before you starting reading about me peeing my pants.

Ladies: Face it…we poop, and it ain’t always pretty.  Pregnancy poop seems to be a bit different (at least for me).  I’ve been taking a pre-natal vitamin during the pregnancy because apparently I don’t get enough vitamins from Pop Tarts and mozzarella sticks. 

·      Pre-natal vitamin PRO’s: They’re good for the baby and good for me too.  Supposedly these vitamins will make my hair shiny.  I’m not usually worried about my hair being shiny enough.  I’m more so worried about how foofy it is and if I can get away with one more day of not washing it.  None-the-less, shiny hair is supposed to be a pro of pre-natal vitamins.

·      Pre-natal vitamin CON’s: They make your poop smell weird.  I can’t really describe the smell…maybe sort of poop/mud?  That’s not the biggest con.  Pre-natal vitamins make your poop sticky (at least it makes my poop sticky).  Pardon my language, but it is mandatory for this description.  Have you ever had what is referred to as a “miracle shit”?  They’re like the platinum version of pooping.  You poop and after you wipe, you check out the toilet paper and there’s no poop on it!  That, my friends, is a miracle shit.  When you’re taking pre-natal vitamins, however, you have the opposite of a miracle shit.  I used thesaurus.com to look up an antonym for “miracle” and I think I’m going to call this kind of poop a “disadvantage dookie”.  A disadvantage dookie could be the smallest, lady-like pooplette ever, and you use ½ a roll of toilet paper cleaning up that mess.  To put this in perspective, I recently had a double flusher (I’m sure you can figure out what that is) at my work because of the amount of toilet paper needed after my disadvantage dookie.  A double flusher with public high school-quality flush capacity is something to be impressed by.

If you ask me in public if girls poop, I will tell you no.

XOXO

How far along: 22 weeks

Current fruit comparison: My trusty “What to Expect When Expecting” iPhone app says baby girl is as big as a papaya now!

Total weight gain/loss: +11.4 lbs

Sleep: No problems yet!

Best moment this week: Receiving and putting together baby girl’s new stroller! See photo below…

Movement: Yes, just waiting for Scott to be able to feel her consistently.

Food cravings: Lemonade (duh)

Free food from students: breakfast burrito, cookie, Whatchamacallit (yum-o!), sour gummy worms

What I miss: A Goodcent's sandwich.  The warmer weather is making me want one even more but apparently cold deli meat is now a pregnancy no-no.

Milestones: Baby hit the 1lb mark!  Way to go, girl.

 Yay!  I'm obsessed!

Bump Check: Week 21

FYI: It's not always indigestion...sometimes it's a baby moving!

One of the things I've been most looking forward to is feeling our baby girl move, and it's finally happened.  Every day, I feel a little something...usually when I'm laying down but sometimes when I'm sitting at my desk at work.  All the pregnancy websites and books say that this is what it will feel like the first time:

That's a lie.  It feels like this:

 

I imagine the birth of this adorable, alien child going one of two ways. 
Scenario 1: Based on what I'm feeling now, it might look a little something like one of my favorite scenes from the cinematic masterpiece, Spaceballs. 
Scenario 2 (which is MUCH more likely than option 1): I will go to the hospital in no pain, stand and open my legs, and the baby will fall out into a pool of soft cotton balls.  She will not cry, just smile and laugh. She also won't be covered in any weird baby goop or have little chunklets of stuff on her (what is that crap, anyway)?  Additionally, I will not poop during this process.

I'll keep you updated as the movements start getting more frequent and noticeable and (hopefully) less alien-like.  Scott felt one little kick from her and it was great!  I can’t wait for him to feel her move much more consistently.

  

How far along: 21 weeks

Current fruit comparison: I think we’re still at banana.  I’m pretty sure the farther along you get, the less fruit changing there is.

Total weight gain/loss: +10.2lbs

Sleep: Wonderful!  Really, laying down is the only thing that makes my back feel better, so I love laying in bed.  Also, I thought the 1^st trimester was supposed to be the sleepy/tired phase…but I still snooze on the couch for a little bit almost every day.

Best moment this week: Meeting with a cute lady from www.teenygreenykc.com to discuss cloth diaper options!  More on this later…

Movement: Alien baby.  That is all.

Food cravings: Lemonade!!  Full sugar…no “diet” lemonade for me.  Also, I'm craving salads, maybe because summer’s coming…so, I’m craving colder food.

Free food from students: Chocolate muffin.  And though it’s not food, a girl who is about to graduate brought me a little pair of pink baby shoes.  Pretty cute of her!

What I miss: Not having back pain (poor me…wah wah wah)

Milestones: Scott feeling baby girl move!

Bump Check: Week 20

First and foremost…we’re having a baby girl!!  What?!  I’m so excited and so happy that we no longer have to refer to Baby Dicus as “it” but rather, “her”.  It’s so wonderful.   Homegirl is already the best dressed baby on the block, thanks to my mom & pop! Pardon the poor, iPhone quality snapshot...sorry, Dad. I promise I'll take pictures with a REAL camera too. :)

Our sonogram was last Friday and it was pretty much amazing.  The sonographer put the magic wand/warm goop thingy on my stomach and within what seemed like 20 seconds, we saw the baby’s bojangles.  [Note: Bojangles is the word I use with my dance team girls to describe their lady parts.  “Girls, please be thoughtful about this portion of the dance.  So far, I’ve seen half of your bojangles and that’s too much.”]  Anywho, the sonographer snapped a “photo” of baby girl’s bojangles and almost immediately after, Baby Dicus crossed her legs so her parts were hidden.  I think she was appalled that anyone would take a picture of her hoohah and was just trying to remain a lady.  It’s good to know that we’re not going to have a little hoochie mama.  This was our third sonogram so far, but this was the first sonogram where I cried.  This is not, however, the first time I’ve cried this week.

Let’s discuss what has made me cry this week.  My hormones are JERKS.

1. Gender sonogram.
2. When I reached too far, kind of pulled a stomach muscle, and thought I wasn’t taking good care of the baby.
3. When Scott went out of town for 3 nights.
4. When I wanted to schedule a pre-natal massage with a specialist, and she wasn’t available until June.  (Don’t worry, I didn’t cry until AFTER I hung up.)
5. When Oprah gave away a car.
6. When Oprah gave away a dream wedding trip.
7. When Oprah applauded the Freedom Riders.
8. When Oprah had a live proposal on her show.
9. When Oprah blinked.  Well, not really, but it pretty much seems like whatever Oprah does makes me cry.  Good thing there’s only a few episodes left.

Luckily, I have yet to cry at school.  My students seriously are being so wonderful, sweet, and curious with everything baby.  They are so incredibly invested in the baby, it’s as if I’m carrying THEIR child.  (Luckily for my career AND marriage, none of my students are the father).  Last week, I had students take an online survey where they guessed the baby’s gender, suggested names for both genders, and gave parenting advice.  Some of them were so thoughtful and some of them were offensive.  Here we go!

Gender Guesses: Girl – 41%, Boy – 59%

Sampling of Possible Boy Names: Michael (4 suggestions), Scott LeRon Dicus, Kobe Dicus, Pilgram, Osama Bin Dicus

Sampling of Possible Girl Names: Ka’Mya, Phoenix, Mu Mu, Sogouda, Michelle Jr, Misama La Dicus

Parenting Advice (pardon any weird typos…I’m copying and pasting):

• Love and hold your baby as much as you can.
• Do not cuss and beat your child. And do not neglect your child.
• Be a mother just like your a teacher, fun.
• When its older, feed it Mexican food, lol.
• Try to keep your Child very healthy and keep Baby Dicus in sports.
• Make him like a sport at a young age since now a days there is a high obisity rate.
• If your baby starts to cry, stick in the closet with some cheez-its. If you need a babysitter, I’m available. Lol
• Four beatings a day and have four other babies - call them the Dicus Five. You’d be like Joe Jackson!
• Clean yo’ baby’s booty.
• From a male student (awkward): Take good care of the baby. Don’t leave the baby alone at all costs.  It’s better if u breast feed him.
• Don’t drop the baby.
• To make sure you always spend time with your baby and always check on him/her if they look sad, depressed or anything and make sure you always always love him/her no matter what they think, say, or do. I really hope u have a girl.

I love my students, I love my job, I love my patient husband, and I love our baby so much already!

How far along: 20 weeks

Current fruit comparison: Banana…what?  This one confuses me. Oh well, I like bananas.

Total weight gain/loss: +10lbs.  No change from last week.  The good news?  At the doctor last week, the nurse practitioner offered up the news that my weight gain was right on track. Phew!

Sleep: Pretty good.  Scott was out of town some of last week, so my sleep wasn’t so good then, but other than that, I’ve been doing well!

Best moment this week: Finding out that we’re having a girl & then a wonderful girly shopping spree with Scott & my parents!

Movement: YES!  On Mother’s Day morning, I was laying in bed, and all of a sudden it felt like someone was inside of my stomach lightly tapping on my belly.  So fun!  I report to Scott anytime I feel her move.

Food cravings: The Chick Fil A lemonade is still my #1, but the cost was adding up, so I’m supplementing my habit with Simply Lemonade from the grocery store.

Free food from students: Homemade beef stroganoff.  It’s good to have a former student in a foods class!

What I miss: This week, I miss sitting or standing without any back pain.  I pretty much lay down whenever I can.

Milestones: Feeling Baby Girl move!

Bump Check: Week 19

Get excited, because this post is dedicated to how your breasts change during pregnancy.

SPOILER ALERT: They get bigger.

One of the first symptoms I felt during pregnancy was tender breasts.  This is a very common first symptom for women, including one of my students.  Here’s a recap from a conversation I recently had with one of my students before she knew she was pregnant.

Student: Hey Miss.  What’s in mean when yo’ titties hurt?

Mrs. Dicus: I hate the T-word, first of all.

Student: Fine…breasts [in a sarcastic tone].

Mrs. Dicus: Well, could you be pregnant?

Student: I don’t think so.

The next day she showed up to school with a note from a local clinic with information on her positive pregnancy test.  First she cried about it, but after about 20 minutes of quiet reading, she decided that she was excited and already had names picked out.  Seriously, my pregnant students act like they’re adopting a dog.  It’s very odd/sad.

Now, onto everybody’s favorite subject, my breasts.

I always like to joke about my “Nearly A’s”.  But seriously, these bad boys are hard to control as of late.  Recently, I noticed my bras weren’t fitting properly…and by not fitting properly, and mean didn’t even cover my nipple.  That’s a problem (Scott might argue otherwise).

My mom has taken such good care of me during my pregnancy…okay, she takes good care of me all the time, but she’s being extra gracious and thoughtful right now, which has been so wonderful.  She came up to Kansas City for a day of shopping and I said, “Mom, before we look for maternity clothes, I really need to buy a couple new bras.  These just ain’t cuttin’ it anymore.”  Okay everyone, prepare to be amazed or disgusted..  The bras I was wearing on an every day basis were the exact same bras my mom bought me at Weaver’s in Lawrence my freshman year of college.  That’s right, 2002.  My bras are 9 years old.  Don’t judge.

Now, these particular bras purchased in 2002 were “demi bras”.  Lingerie education: demi bras show more of your boob than normal, but are still supportive.  They made me feel a bit cuter.  I have created illustrations to help you along this journey.  Below is my illustration of a boob in a demi bra.

  

After 19+ weeks of pregnancy, the size of my bust has indeed increased.  With the help of my PG-friendly nipple, below is how my demi bras have started to fit.

My mom and I ventured to Macy’s where we clearly thought we knew my breasts best.  We shopped for the sizes we thought I needed (I had been wearing a 34A, so we picked up 34B’s and 36B’s).  After some failed attempts in the dressing room, we finally had a bra fitter come in and size me.  I apparently went from a 34A to a 34D!!  What?!  That is a lot for me to manage (I mean, literally, how do I manage these?  Do I give them a bonus?  Do I put them on a discipline referral for their annoyance?  How do I manage them?). 

We tried to find a bra that fit but wasn’t too matronly.  Based on Scott’s reaction to the bra, I’m not sure we accomplished that goal, but they’re comfortable none-the-less.  I wore one of my new bras out of the store, so when I walked into our house, I put my shopping bags down and lifted up my shirt to show off my new purchase.  Scott’s reaction?  “Whoa. That’s a big bra.”  Below is my illustration.

 [Wah waaaah]

*Side story: Mom noted this was so much better than the first time we went bra shopping together circa 1997 and I cried in the dressing room.  I would wait until I got to school to put on my sports bra because I didn’t want my dad to feel it when he hugged me goodbye in the morning.  When I got to school, however, it was a different story.  I’m pretty sure the neck of my favorite Free Willy shirt was permanently stretched out from me pulling at my neckline to show off my bra strap.  I was such a hussy.

 

How far along: 19 weeks

Current fruit comparison: Baby is the size of a cantaloupe.  What?!

Total weight gain/loss: +10lbs – yikes! 2lbs in one week.  Gotta slow down on the Chick Fil A…

Sleep: Pretty good.  Have a body pillow now that I thought would boot Scott out of the bed, but it hasn’t!  Yay.

Best moment this week: Watching Scott put together baby’s bassinet while I cleaned out the nursery closet

Movement: Not yet…boo!  I thought maybe I was feeling something move in there, but then I farted.

Food cravings: Apples still…oh, and Chick Fil A lemonade.  It’s sooo good!

Free food from students: Homemade sausage & egg sandwich.  That’s all I got this week!  What’s wrong with these selfish kids?!  Don’t they know I’m hungry?

What I miss: Goodcents.  Seriously…apparently you can’t eat lunchmeat when you’re knocked up because there’s a risk of a bacteria called listeria.

Milestones: Consistently groaning a bit while tying my shoes.  Is that a milestone?

Bump Check: Week 18

Hello all! Okay, so based on feedback from some friends and family members, I've decided that updating my blog throughout my pregnancy is an easy & nice way to keep everybody informed on the happenings in our little part of the world. My plan is to post once a week (probably Mondays or Tuesdays since I hit a new week every Monday). At the bottom of each post, I'll answer the same few questions week to week and watch as things change.

WARNING: This blog will inevitably contain awkward information about nipple pads, how vitamins change the way my poop smells, and other such topics. Read at your own risk. I wasn't really born with a filter.

I guess I'll quickly catch everyone up on the last 18 weeks...& I'll make it as short as I can.

Finding out we were pregnant: Baby Dicus was no accident. We planned for this little bundle. However, we had read all these horrible things about trying to get pregnant and how patient you have to be, risk of miscarriage, etc. So, when after our 2nd month of trying, we got a positive test, we celebrated very hesitantly because we just felt it was too good to be true. Two sonograms later, there's pictorial proof that there's a baby in there!

1st Trimester: I feel completely lucky that I really wasn't terribly nauseous during my first 3 months. There was one sick moment, which I will now describe in detail. You're welcome.

Driving home from work one evening, I could tell that I was feeling a bit nauseous. I'd felt queasy every day for awhile, but eating a little snack always fixed it (I mean, what problem does food NOT fix, really). Not this time. I felt like I was on a race to beat my gag reflex home to my house. I walked in the door, gagged as I unset our alarm, and luckily made it to the sink before my afternoon snack of Sun Chips greeted me again. I threw up on the garbage disposal side of the sink, because I am, above all else, a planner. I knew where to aim. Unfortunately, there were some dirty & stinky dishes on the other side of the sink. Here's a play-by-play of the sounds that were happening in the kitchen this day:

Vomit sound

Inhale through nose

Smell dirty dishes

"Uhhh...ugh...ehhhhh..."

Vomit sound

Inhale through nose

Smell dirty dishes

"Uhhh...ugh...ehhhhh..."

[Repeat for 60 seconds]

You'd think that this little story would have taught me to keep the sink area cleaned up and de-odorized, but it definitely has not.

I love you! Happy Tuesday to you!

How far along: 18 weeks

Current fruit comparison: Baby is the size of a mango!

Total weight gain/loss: +8lbs

Sleep: Not super good lately because of my back pain (more on that later).

Best moment this week: Taking 2 days off work and spending one of them talking, reminiscing, shopping, & eating with my mama!

Movement: Not yet, but Scott checks a couple times a week, I guess thinking maybe he’ll feel it move before I do.

Food cravings: Gala apples! Just ask my mom…she listens to me eat one almost everyday on my way to work.

Free food from students: Easter candy, popcorn, an M&M cookie, & a homemade cannoli!

What I miss: Being able to sit/stand/do anything without back pain.

Milestones: Noticed my normal Old Navy tank tops no longer stay placed below my belly.