Bump Check: Week 35

Being one of the first of my close girlfriends to have a baby has been interesting.  I don’t necessarily have someone to share maternity clothes with.  I wish I had a close friend with a little baby so maybe we could take walks together and push our strollers and be super cute.  I do, however, have my dear friend Sarah (one of my co-workers), who has an adorable 3-year-old son and has given me wonderful tips and listened to my pregnancy rambling during our plan periods for the past few months.  Oh…she also spent many an evening at my house this summer eating Goodcents, watching So You Think You Can Dance, and letting me lay on the couch like a pregnant bum.

Besides pointing me towards used maternity clothing stores and some fun children’s consignment sales, Sarah has given me a very important piece of advice that I’ve kept close to my heart.  “Michelle.  Under NO circumstances, within 2 weeks of giving birth, look at your vagina with a hand mirror.  Do NOT do it.  It will look like your vagina was in a bar fight and lost.”  Noted.

Because I spend 40-50 hours a week at school, I figured we should have some sort of game plan for what we would do if my water broke or I started having contractions at school.  I told my students that if all of a sudden it looks like I peed my pants, they are to call Ms. H (aka Sarah) and that’s when the plan rolls into action.  At this point, Sarah or I will call Scott so he can head home and get the hospital bag & generally try not to freak out.  Sarah will come to my classroom and assess the water breaking situation.  She will be contacting the janitorial staff in case we need any of that body fluid powder/saw dust/oatmeal clean-up stuff.  Additionally, if my water breaks on my chair, she will ask one of my teacher aides to wheel it to the dumpster.

Because my hair is quite foofy and will only get bigger during the labor process, we feel it would be a good use of our time to straighten and French braid my hair in my classroom.  I will practice deep breathing and relaxation techniques while my hair is put together for baby’s arrival.  Next, Sarah will take me to her car (where a beach towel will be waiting) and we’ll head toward the hospital.  On the way, we’ll stop by a drive-thru and pick up something to eat.  I’m so not kidding here: I think one of my biggest fears about labor is not being able to eat and then just thinking about how hungry I am.  Those of you that have been around me when I get hungry know that I must have a snack and I must have it NOW.  This is not new since pregnancy.  This is just Michelle.  So anywho, we’ll get some food on the way (probably Taco Bell…because who doesn’t want to poop out a chicken nacho cheese chalupa on the labor and delivery bed?).

Once we arrive at the hospital, Sarah will give my vagina another pep talk (as mentioned in a previous blog post) and Scott will take over as my birth partner.  I sort of hope my water breaks at school only because I think it would make a good story for my students.  As if their lives aren’t dramatic enough, this would just be the icing on the cake.  I can already see laptops coming out, logging onto Facebook, and the status updates flying.  “OMG guyz! Ms. D’s in LABORRRRRR!!!!” “WTF?!  Why duz ur water breakin smell SO weird?!”  “Ms. D is having her baby IN HER CLASS!!! Come to room 323 ‘n’ bring sum towelz.”

How far along: 35 weeks

Current fruit comparison: A 6lb cantaloupe!

Total weight gain/loss: +26.2…seriously not even a .10 change from last week.  Whatever, I’ll take it.  Donuts must not be that bad for you if I haven’t gained any weight this week.

Sleep: It’s been good!  Going back to school has made me extra sleepy, so I fall asleep really fast.  Me likey.

Best moment this week: An adorable owl baby shower at Miss Emily’s, complete with crocheted flowers and McGonigle’s pulled pork!

Movement: Oh man, I felt hiccups this week for the first time!  I probably notice them every other day.  My stomach doesn’t move too much, but it feels like really repetitive taps inside my belly.  So sweet.

Food cravings: Seriously can’t get enough ice water.  I have 3 teacher’s aides throughout the course of the day and yesterday, after doing some filing for me, I had one of them go refill my water bottle.  I love TA’s!

What I miss: Walking quickly.  I don’t waddle all the time yet, but I do walk slower. Usually by the end of the school day, I’m having some sciatic pain down my left butt/leg, but it’s not too bad compared to my silly rib that just won’t let it go.  Darn you rib.

Milestones: Baby girl’s immune system has matured enough to protect her from infections outside the womb.  Go girl, go!