Bump Check: Week 36

Let's talk about bodily fluids.  Why not?  It's a nice, summer, Tuesday night...seems like an appropriate topic.

Our senior year of college, Scott got a new Acura TL and quickly became obsessed.  There are certain guidelines in his car that I must follow if I want to be a good wife.  For example, this summer I was driving his car and I really wanted to get some shaved ice from Tad's.  Fact: Tad's WILL drip on you or your car...so I knew that getting Tad's and driving Scott's car would equal marital issues.  Anywho, in about May (aka...waaaay to early for my water to be breaking), Scott jokingly informed me that he was going to make me start sitting on a towel in his car.  Thankfully, he hasn't done that yet, but I'm sure he wouldn't complain if I brought a towel out during the next month.

We have now taken four baby classes through our hospital: Childbirth, Breastfeeding, Infant CPR, & Baby Basics.  Each class discussed bodily fluid in some way.  In our childbirth class, we talked about the details of water breaking.  Apparently, when your water breaks (assuming it does on its own), you must take note of a variety of things including smell, color, and amount.  Obviously this conversation got Scott and I imagining all the places my water could break and how we might be prepared.  Scott then informed me that he secretly hoped my water would break on our bed so we'd have an excuse to buy a Temper-Pedic mattress. 

Mom & Dad have had the refrigerator in their kitchen since 1973.  Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but I'm sure to my mom it feels that old.  However, they know that since the fridge still works just fine, they should keep using it until it keels over.  So THEN I thought, "Mom...what if my water broke ON YOUR REFRIGERATOR?!"  What a genius idea.  I could just hang out on one of the shelves in their fridge with my pants down for the next 4 weeks.  Seems reasonable.

And THEN I started thinking about other things that we'd want to replace.  My mom has had her car for 14 years and daydreams of getting a new car.  Soooo, maybe my water could break on her car!  I don't mean like...me sitting in the passenger seat.  I mean more like me sitting on the hood of her car.  Plus, with the slope of the hood, the water would just run right down the car, but still be gross enough that clearly one would want to buy a new vehicle.

Below is a list of other places I wouldn't mind my water breaking.  Oh...sometimes your water will break and then a bit more will come out during contractions, so if you'd like to add something to this list, just let me know.  Scott can drive me around and I can sprinkle baby sac juice on your belongings because I love you.

• On my iPhone: The battery on my phone isn’t very good anymore.  I do tend to drive with my phone between my legs, so having my water break on my iPhone is a very good possibility.
• On our bath towels: This is a logical place I could get some vagina water.  I mean, the towels are just fine.  We got them 4 years ago when we got married.  They’re just tired and faded.  I wouldn’t mind an upgrade…maybe to these.  Yes, please.
• On my computer lab at school: It’s really slow and old…so I could just have my water break and then rub around on all the work stations.  My students wouldn’t think that was creepy at all.
• On the old shopping carts at Hy-Vee: Our Hy-Vee has a mixture of new and old carts.  The old ones are just obnoxious and drive crooked.  Some baby sac juice should do the trick.

Please let me know if you’d like me to ruin anything of yours.  We’ll add your home address to our birth plan and make sure our route to the hospital includes a stop at your place.

How far along: 36 weeks

Current fruit comparison: A watermelon!  We’ve finally made it to the last and final fruit.  She’s supposedly a 6.5lb watermelon right now.

Total weight gain/loss: +28.2.  Crap.

Sleep: Sleep has been no problem for me.  I feel very fortunate because I know I’ll need all the sleep I can get before little miss baby arrives.

Best moment this week: Spending the weekend in Topeka with my fam.  Eating Casa & Paisano’s in less than 24 hours.  Spending time with the wonderful people at Wolfe’s Camera.

Movement: Busy little baby…I can feel her boney little bottom move around a lot.   How do I know it’s a butt and not a head?  See “Milestones” below.

Food cravings: WATER!  I can’t say it enough.  Ice water is like sweet nectar from the gods.

What I miss: Properly demonstrating dance techniques to my dance team.  They laugh at me sometimes when I try to show them things or get concerned that the baby is going to fall out.  Luckily there are a couple really talented dancers in the group, so I can just point to them and say, “Do it like she is.”

Milestones: We’ve officially started weekly visits to the doctor.  Last week, the doctor checked me and said that Baby Dicus is already head down, I’m 1cm dilated, and 60% effaced.  She said it doesn’t mean much…like the baby could come in 2 weeks or 5 weeks…but it’s still nice to know that something is happening down there!