Having been inspired by many of our adorable children’s books, this week’s entry will be an overview of pregnancy guided by the alphabet! It will be both graphic and medically incorrect. Disclaimer: Please do not use the Pregnancy ABC’s as a measure of what is normal during pregnancy. Consult your physician before totally believing anything I say.
A is for average. Baby Dicus has been measuring right on track, 54th percentile in weight. Average pregnancy? I’ll take it!
B is for bladder, a tiny trampoline for your bundle of joy.
C is for chunklets, because I know there are weirdo chunklets of my insides that will be on our sweet baby girl when she’s born. I’m sorry baby. I don’t even know what those chunklets are.
D is for dilation, aka the opening of the cervix. Right now, mine is open the size of a Cheerio and must get to the size of a grapefruit before I can push.
E is for effleurage, a fun French word for light pressure or brushing used as a relaxation technique during labor. Scott and I learned this in our birthing class. He is now an effleurage expert.
F is for food, which I now feel like I have an excuse to eat too much of. Thank you, baby.
G is for gestational diabetes, a regular test all pregnant ladies go through. You drink some weird orange stuff and then you can’t eat or pee for a while, which is totally rude.
H is for heartburn, which I didn’t even know was a pregnancy symptom. I would complain about this more, but my antacid tablets seriously do the trick. I love them.
I is for insurance, which I don’t really understand…just pretend to. I went up to the benefits lady at my work and said, “So, can you just tell me what plan will be the cheapest for me to enroll in for a pregnancy and then tell me how much to put in my FSA to cover my out-of-pocket expenses?” She answered immediately and confidently. I checked the boxes and moved on with my life.
J is for juices, as in bodily juices. Weird stuff comes out of your body while you’re pregnancy, including this little beauty I’ve been enjoying the last 2 ½ months.
K is for kicking, or baby movement in general, which is pretty much the best thing ever. They even make “Kick Counter” iPhone apps to keep track of your baby’s movements. Sounds like overkill, but babies are supposed to move a certain amount in a specific time period so you know they’re healthy. I haven’t used any apps, but just try to pay attention and make sure baby girl is staying busy!
L is for labia, because that word is funny.
M is for maternity clothes, which are very limited. I found most of mine at Destination Maternity, Old Navy, & GAP.
N is for nesting. I’ve spent hours gathering sticks and twigs from our yard to add to the baby’s giant baby nest. Oh man, totally fooled you! I’m not making a nest! I do, however, spend plenty of time happily washing and folding her clothes and blankets, moving around books, and playing with her tiny baby shoes.
O is for ovaries, without which this baby would not be possible.
P is for penis. A penis played some role in this whole baby thing. If that confuses you, go talk to your mom or dad. [Side note for my dad: Remember, I’ve still never kissed a boy. XOXO]
Q is for questions…I kept a list on my iPhone for our doctor so when we’d go in for our appointments, I knew what I wanted to ask. Scott, the thoughtful engineer, always had better, more researched questions, but that’s why I keep him around.
R is for rib pain. Have I mentioned this at all during pregnancy? Sorry I’m a whiner.
S is for skin tags. This is not a joke.
T is for test, aka pregnancy test. I took two in one night just to make sure, and Scott and I celebrated by eating onion rings and various other fried treats at The Foundry.
U is for urine that gets checked at every doctor’s appointment. “Hi, I’ll take your chart. There’s the bathroom. Bring your urine back into the exam room when you’re finished.”
V is for vagina. I have one. Our baby girl has one. I’m going to push a smaller, baby-sized vagina out of my grown-up sized vagina. Awesome.
W is for weight gain, which I thought was going to bother me, but it really hasn’t. I mean, I’m sure it’s made it harder for me to walk up and down the stairs, but as far as self-confidence, I really don’t mind. It’s all for a good cause!
X is for xylophone…because what other x words are there really…or, umm, sometimes, the baby hits your organs as if they’re playing a musical instrument. Yeah, we’ll go with that.
Y is for yawning. Seeing the baby yawn during a sonogram was one of the sweetest things I’ve seen and just reminded me that I have a real little person in there, not just an alien baby.
Z is for zebra trainer, our daughter’s future career. Duh.
Picture note: I have straight hair from "Crazy Hair Day" at school. Don't judge...I don't have the haircut or the patience to actually make this look good. It's just straight and that's that.
Current fruit comparison: Still a watermelon, but now a 7 pounder!
Total weight gain/loss: +28.2
Sleep: Still no problems…just when I wake up to pee my body is really stiff and sore, but hey, I’m still able to sleep, so I’m not complaining!
Best moment this week: Getting to spend social time with many friends over the weekend…having our last moments as just Scott and Michelle.
Movement: Still moving her butt around a lot. She better not be a stripper or something. Some of the baby names my students have suggested sound like stripper names, so we’ll avoid those in order to maybe get her on a clean path.
Food cravings: Besides ice water and Goodcents? Oh man, there’s this thing at TCBY called a Sorbet Fizz, and I had one the other day with grapefruit sorbet and it was like CRACK. I just wanted more and more and more, it was so good.
What I miss: Umm…right now, I miss not living in Topeka so I can properly feed this baby Tortilla Jack’s and Casa at least three times a week.
Milestones: I guess I’m considered full-term now? There are like…393 definitions of full-term, but the one I hear most consistently is 38 weeks --- woohoo!!
5 comments:
N-hilarious pic
S-skin tags?? Never heard of them
Straight Hair? Wow it's really long. Never would have known.
Hi there!
So, you don't know me, but your blog is fantastic. I've had blogs before and always found the high numbers of blog visitors (sometimes from all over the world- thank you blogger statistics in the dashboard) vs. the skimpy amount of comments and admitted readers so weird and disconcerting. So here I am, not being a lurker.
Anyway, I'm not pregnant, but one of my friends just told me that she is. After we got the screaming and crying and excitement out of our systems, I told her about how she has to read this blog because of how funny and informative it is. In one lazy morning, she plowed through the entire pregnancy portion... So thank you for creating this. Way to be at full-term now! You must be so excited.
Oh man...Tricia, you're my first comment from a stranger/stalker (j/k...luv u). No seriously though, I'm glad you're enjoying it! It's been really good for me because I'm not a journal writer, but typing is good because I go quickly and don't have time to filter anything, so it feels more natural. I'm glad you shared with your pregnant friend and congrats to her!!
very informative content,i recommend all to read this.
Causes Of Boobs Leaking During Pregnancy, How To Treat.
Beautiful content, I just loved to read.
Causes Of Boobs Leaking During Pregnancy, How To Treat.
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