Bump Check: Week 31

So now that I'm well into my 3rd trimester, our chats with my OB are less about pregnancy and more about birth.  Did you know babies come out of your vagina?!  Nobody told me that.  I thought they came out of your belly button.  Apparently that's not the case.

As of now, I don't have many specific fears about giving birth, mostly because I don't think about it a lot.  I'm consuming my brain with baby showers, crib bedding, and other fun things.  One concern I do have, however, is what I'm going to alliteratively term "Passing Out while Pushing".  From here on out, this term will be referred to as POWP.  Nice ring to it, do you think?  Please do not get this term confused with Passing Out while Pooping.  Let me clarify.

My senior year of college, I began passing out on occasion.  There were only two times I recall falling flat on the ground, having a full-on fainting scenario.  The other times I was sitting or lying down and would black out for a few seconds and then come back around.  The first time I full-on fainted, I was at Scott's apartment.  I remember waking up and he was very vigorously asking me what he should do, but all I could think was, "I think I'm going to puke," and I couldn't really talk.  I have since reminded Scott at least three times that when I go into labor, he's not allowed to ask me what to do.  If he does, the baby might reach out and punch him.

After a trip to the ER, it was suggested that I make an appointment with a cardiologist, so I did.  They did some basic assessments of my heart and blood pressure.  There was one super weird test they did that to me seemed very caveman-esque.  It's called a tilt table test.  Pretty much you lie down on a bed in a hospital gown, and they strap your whole body to the bed (imagine Frankenstein, but with me on the table instead.  So....a smaller, female Frankenstein with a fro).  They turn the lights down and play soft music and monitor your heart and blood pressure for about 30 minutes.  Then all of a sudden, they sit the table up straight (you're still strapped to it), and they measure your vital signs.  I, of course, passed out as they expected I would.  Bottom line is I pretty much just have low blood pressure.  So low that sometimes my body can't keep up with my movements.  Luckily this issue comes and goes and isn't around all the time.  My concern, however, has resurfaced as labor looms.

Men, here is where your part of this weekly bump check ends.  You may now enjoy yourself here or perhaps here.  We will definitely not be discussing pooping while you're gone because, as a reminder, girls don't poop.  Thank you for reading and have a great week!

Ladies, I've totally blacked out while pooping.  Pants down, on the toilet, need to wipe, pass out.  This is what doctor's call a vasovagal response.  I call it Passing Out while Pooping.  Now, I've been told that pushing while you're in labor is similar to pushing while pooping, therefore, I'm a little concerned about POWP.  I told my doctor my concern and she said they'd make sure I stay hydrated and just monitor everything when we get there.

Because I'm an optimist, I'm going to turn POWP into a Positive (oooo, more P's!).  I'm going to just tell myself that if I do POWP, I'm going to wake up to the sound of my sweet husband's voice as he hands me a baby that has been born without me feeling anything.  She will be swaddle and adorable and will definitely not be covered in any weird cervical or placenta chunklets.  Additionally, somebody will have brought some Tortilla Jack's into the recovery room.

How far along: 31 weeks

Current fruit comparison: 19”, 3.9lbs…umm, still apparently a head of lettuce?  Really?  This question is just starting to get ridiculous.

Total weight gain/loss: +25…uhhh…I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m supposed to gain during the whole pregnancy.  Oops?

Sleep: Excellent!  I haven’t been napping the last week, which I think is helping me sleep even better at night.

Best moment this week: A wonderful baby shower with Scott’s family…it was so fun and helped me start to feel more prepared for the baby!

Movement: This week, she moved, and then Scott and I were pretty sure we could push on my stomach and feel an appendage.

Food cravings: Ice water….ice water…ice water!  Cereal with cold milk…apparently cold liquids in general.  Oh, and I’ve been drinking lots of ice cold beer…badum ching!

What I miss: Walking outside.  Scott and I love to take walks, especially in the evening when we can creepily see inside people’s windows.  It’s too hot right now and my rib starts to hurt after about 10 minutes (boo).

Milestones: Baby’s skin is no longer see through - bonus!

Bump Check: Week 30

I thought I would update you on ridiculous things that have made me cry lately because (1) I’m trying to provide those of you that need it with a free form of birth control and (2) if I don’t laugh at myself, then I might cry again.

• Close to tears/anxiety attack: We went to Nebraska Furniture Mart this week to pick out a chair for the nursery.  For some reason, the decorating of this room has made me anxious. I’ve figured out it’s because I haven’t really decorated other rooms in our house…they’ve just sort of come together out of what we already have and what I like at the River Market Antique Mall on my last trip.  Poor Scott had to encourage me to sit down and drink some of my bottled water as I was fanning myself out of sheer overwhelmth (That’s a word, I’m sure.  Look it up.  No, don’t look it up.  Just use it in your next conversation.  Ooo, blog challenge!)
• An episode of Tosh.0 where the host quickly mentions putting a baby down a garbage disposal.  In fact, not only did I cry, but I turned off the TV, threw the remote on the other side of the couch, then I cried.  Scott just sat quietly until his normal wife was back.  Then we watched Jeopardy.  I did not cry at Jeopardy (yet).
• I decided to buy a can of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls (mmmm) which I’ve made many times.  I made them on a weekend and asked Scott if he wanted to eat them in bed or downstairs.  He requested in bed, so I put them on a tray with some milk and wet paper towels (I was very prepared).  We sit down in bed to eat them and we both take our first bite.  They’re pretty doughy (which I’m totally into), but Scott doesn’t really love doughy stuff as much.  He’s slowly eating his, not being rude or bratty or anything…and I bust into tears because apparently “I can’t do anything right, not even make a frreakin’ can of cinnamon rolls the way you like.”  Scott, who again is the kindest person in town, tried to comfort me as he forced himself to finish a squishy cinnamon roll and take one more.  I have a very wonderful and patient husband.
• Lastly, at least twice a week I cry at this commercial:

 How far along: 30 weeks

Current fruit comparison: A cold, crisp head of lettuce weighing in at 3.2lbs.  She measures around 18” for head to toe.

Total weight gain/loss: +23

Sleep: Good as of late! Though it’s been super hot around these parts lately, about 2 years ago we installed a window unit air conditioner in our bedroom. I whined about it at first because I thought it was ugly, but it’s really no big deal and is SO worth it!

Best moment this week: Baby ate some good food at Emily & Preston’s house. I also enjoyed some wonderful time with my mama after not seeing her for a full week!

Movement: She’s moving a lot, especially at night and after I eat.  Another classic Scott response to her movement: “Maybe she's having some friends over. Did you feel anything else?”

Food cravings: ICE WATER! I don’t know if it’s the heat or what, but I’m loving it. Only a couple of times have I had a ridiculous amount, but more than just drinking it, I’m very verbal about how delicious it is.  Scott has heard “I love water” at least once a day for the last two weeks after a big gulp of some cold deliciousness.

What I miss: Feeling pretty content as of late!  Though I do whine occasionally about my rib (surprise, surprise).

Milestones: For some reason, I’ve just been waiting to say that I’m “30 weeks”…because in the 30 sounds so far along!

Bump Check: Week 29

There are a few things in life that have made me feel like a grown up.  They’re probably not things you’re imagining (such as graduating from college, getting married, or being pregnant).  Things that have made me feel like a grown up include:

• Getting the oil changed in my car without taking someone with me to do the talking
• Buying my first piece of furniture (The Snuggler…you are a special person if you’ve sat in this giant beast of a chair)
• Going out to dinner alone while traveling alone for business (and I drove MY rental car there – BOO YAH)
• Picking my own doctor.  Let’s take a closer look at this important moment in my “adult” life.

Once girls reach a certain age (or have some other factors going on), your annual physical exam also includes someone peering into your naughty cavern.  When I was in college, I went in for a physical with a doctor I had never been to.  Here is how the conversation went, as I remember it…

Doctor: Are you currently sexually active?

Me: No.

Doctor: Have you had a past history of sexual activity?

Me: No.

Doctor: Oh! Well, today we’ll be doing a pelvic exam and pap smear and it will probably be quite uncomfortable for you.

Me: Oh, ok. Where’s my mommy?!  Can I get out of here?  Surely there’s a way around this.  I’m a good person.  I don’t deserve this.

Doctor: I’ll have a nurse in the room during the exam to hold your hand.

Me: Oh, ok. Could this please get MORE awkward?  That’d be great.

Doctor: These are the instruments I’ll be using.

Me: Oh, ok. Ma’am, that giant cotton swab is way too big for my ear.  That’s for my ear, right?

Point being, homegirl took something that doesn’t need to be a big deal and made it a HUGE freakin’ awkward deal in my mind.  When I moved to KC in 2007, I decided I should probably get a doctor and have a physical, but was obviously a bit nervous about it.  I needed to find a doctor, so I put on my big girl pants and figured out how to log onto my health insurance provider’s website.  Then I picked a doctor based on one very important criterion: their name.  Yup.  That’s right.  I searched close to the area Scott and I were planning to buy a house and then just picked whoever I thought had the best name.  That is why my doctor is Dr. Winkler.  Best name ever, right??  Wink wink wink winky winker wink wink.  Dr. Winkler has turned out to be a wonderful doctor and my annual exam is no big deal.  When Scott and I decided we were ready to procreate, I decided I should probably get an OB-GYN (which in my mind is a vagina doctor…but I know that’s a slight generalization).  I asked Dr. Winkler to suggest someone and told her the criteria I was looking for: (1) female (2) positive/funny (3) makes me feel like she knows what she’s talking about yet hasn’t already said the same thing to 50 other patients that day.  Dr. Winkler was spot on with her recommendation.  Scott and I both love our OB.

We have to fill out pre-registration paperwork for the maternity area at the hospital we’re going to deliver, and on the paperwork was a spot to list the baby’s pediatrician.  I had no idea who to use, so I just asked my OB who she would recommend, giving her the same three criteria I gave Dr. Winkler.  I made another adult move this week – picked a pediatrician for our baby!  What the heck??  I’m such a grown up!  I’m excited because the doctor’s office is literally 3 minutes from our house, has walk-in hours every day, and is even smart enough to have two waiting rooms (one for sick kids and one for well kids).  The separate waiting room concept is probably not unique, but to someone who hasn’t been in a pediatrician’s office in many years, it seemed GENIUS to me.  Anywho, we met with the pediatrician this last week and really liked her!  So it’s official.

Side note for my dad: Pap smears are still VERY uncomfortable because I’m still not sexually active.  XOXO, Princess

How far along: 29 weeks

Current fruit comparison: Our little butternut squash, at 17in and 3.1lbs!

Total weight gain/loss: +21

Sleep: Still sometimes waking up at 4am and staying up for a couple hours, but I’m never physically uncomfortable, so that’s good!

Best moment this week: Celebrating my mom’s b-day in Top City and garage sale day with Aly.  We found some great bargains!

Movement: She’s a busy bee!  Scott’s latest hypothesis?  “She’s composing a symphony.”

Food cravings: I bought grape juice at the grocery store this week, mostly because juice has sounded good my whole pregnancy, but lemonade has started to give me some serious heartburn.  Rude!

What I miss: Having lots of clothes to choose from!  Though I have some AH-dorable maternity clothes, I seem to go to the same 3 dresses everyday because they’re comfortable and let a little breeze in.

Milestones: Scott, myself, the body pillow, and my pregnancy wedge pillow all slept comfortably in a full-size bed while at my parents.  I consider that a milestone!

Bump Check: Week 28

Last week we were lucky enough to have another sonogram.  We’ve had some extra than normal because of some weirdo things going on with me.  Warning: weirdo pregnancy/womanly words ahead. At my 20 week appointment where we found out we were having a little girl, the sonographer was a little concern that my placenta was covering up my cervix, meaning that my placenta would have been in the baby’s way of heading out of my uterus.  This would mean that I’d definitely have to have a c-section.  She said this issue comes up in a lot of pregnancies but that it usually fixes itself, but they’d want to do another sonogram in a few weeks to see if my placenta had moved.  Soooo, last week was the “has my placenta moved” sonogram and *BONUS, we got to see the baby again!  The sonographer said that my placenta had moved and everything look good, so then we just proceeded to watch the baby for awhile. 

Baby girl was super chill.  The sonographer put the wand on my belly and almost immediately we saw that the baby had her arm rested about her head and let out a really big (and adorable) yawn.  In fact, during the sonogram, she yawned a total of 3 times.  We must have woken her up from a nap!  The sonographer wanted to try to get the baby to rotate so she could get a good profile view for us, however the baby was quite comfortable where she was.  At this stage, you should be able to poke around your belly or make loud noises and occasionally get the baby to react. Scott figured that if they wanted the baby to move, they’d get out another fancy baby wand and send some pulses to the baby or something.  Not true.  From out of nowhere, the sonographer starts vigorously smacking my stomach with a cowbell.  No joke.

Another fun thing we saw on the sonogram was the baby’s hair!  Now any girl out there with curly hair can probably agree that at one point in their life, they wish they had straight hair.  My mother understood this as I grew up because she too is a curly lady.  In fact, through all of middle school and part of high school, my mom used a crazy blow dryer with a brush attachment to straighten my afro.  My hair would get so hot that she’d have to wear handbell gloves to keep her hands from burning.  Now that’s love.  I suspect someday I’ll have to do the same thing with our baby girl, because I’m sure in her head, she’ll feel like she looks like this:

Can you believe I've never had a class in Photoshop? I'm such a natural talent!

Because I complained about my hair a lot, my mom would try to make me feel happier about it by saying, “Michelle, when I was pregnant with you, I would always pray for a little girl with brown, curly hair, and God gave you to me!”  Once a week for the next year, I prayed for a little girl with beautiful flowing hair just like Rainbow Brite’s. I didn’t want it to be blonde however.  I wanted it to be rainbow like Rainbow Brite’s horse, Starlite.  So, for a sneak preview, here’s what Baby Dicus will most likely look like, because I’m sure God will deliver:

Baby Dicus -- what dreams are made of

How far along: 28 weeks

Current fruit comparison: She’s 17” from head to toe and weights about 2.9lbs. Her size rivals that of a small cabbage.

Total weight gain/loss: At the doctor this week, I was up 20lbs (no change from last week), but I didn’t weigh today and am now too lazy to get off the couch and go see some giant number on the scale.  Plus, I’m anxiously awaiting Scott’s arrival home with a Goodcents sandwich.  I can’t be bothered with weighing myself right now.

Sleep: The last week I’ve woken up at 4am about three or four days and stayed up for awhile (lame).  My newest sleeping pattern this week is wake up really early, eat some early breakfast, and then fall back asleep on the couch for awhile.  Today, I got TWO naps!  I love summer.

Best moment this week: Our sonogram!

Movement: This week, she seriously did some Thumper thing on my stomach like from Bambi.  It was like, “rat-ta-tat-tat”, and my stomach fat jiggled like crazy!  I love this girl.

Food cravings: This week – 2% or whole milk (specifically Shatto root beer milk – mmm!)

What I miss: Riding/Driving in a car without having to lean the seat back really far, big pimpin’ style.  However, riding that way helps my rib not hurt as much as sitting upright.

Milestones: The baby gave her first gift!  She gave her dad a remote controlled helicopter for his 27^th birthday.  She’s so thoughtful, and apparently already has an Amazon account!