Bump Check: Week 23

We read that Baby Dicus is now able to hear very well in the womb.  Experts say the baby can hear my heartbeat, digestion noises (which are louder and more frequent than the average person), my voice, and other voices around me.  I also heard that if you have a dog, you should let the dog bark around your belly so the baby gets used to the noise and perhaps will be a better sleeper.  Well, we don’t have a dog, but I believe the following noises will be so comforting to the baby because she hears them all the time already:

·      The Jeopardy theme song

·      My mom playing the piano (baby specifically likes Debussy)

·      Scott & I making fake farting noises and laughing way too hard about them

·      The narrator’s voice from the iPhone game “You Don’t Know Jack”

·      The sound of me chewing Tums

·      Scott playing the vuvuzela – this is not a joke.  He bought one off Amazon and it lives in our bedroom.  Jealous?

·      “Welcome to McDonald’s. Can I take your order?”

·      “Welcome to Taco Bell. Can I take your order?”

·      “Welcome to Chick Fil A. Can I take your order?”

Super pregnant moment of the week: On Memorial Day, I woke up really craving a pulled pork sandwich and some onion straws from McGonigles, which is 2 blocks from our house.  I laid in bed checking their website and Facebook page to see if they were open, but couldn’t figure it out.  Fatty McPreggo over here decided to stare out the window looking to see if McGonigles was open.  Picture me, hungry, 5 months pregnant, hair that needs to be washed, underwear I outgrew a month or two ago, and a one of my dad’s Wolfe’s shirt from 1975 that (like all my other PJ shirts) somehow has chocolate on it…starring out the window looking for some pork.  Sadly, McGonigles was not open.  I sort of wanted to cry (just ask my husband).  This is also not the first time I’ve wanted to cry about food while pregnant.  Actually, one time before I was pregnant, Taco Bell forgot to give me my chicken nacho cheese chalupa and I didn’t notice until I got home.  That time I actually cried.  Don’t judge.

 

Extra note: Is it weird to get hand-me-down baby clothes from your students’ babies?  I don’t know, but it’s happening to me.  I did receive this pair of brand new, gold, newborn flats from a student today.  What the awesome?!

How far along: 23 weeks

Current fruit comparison: The What to Expect iPhone app says she’s the size of an ear of corn: 8.5 inches and 1.5lbs

Total weight gain/loss: +12.6lbs

Sleep: Still pretty good!

Best moment this week: Spending the day in Topeka on Sunday & enjoying time with my family…eating at Casa, watching Scott nap, shopping with my parents, picking up some Tad’s.

Movement: Yes!  Definite kicking is happening.

Food cravings: See super pregnant moment above.

Free food from students: Snickers, pancakes (from Ms. Hahs…love you, sugar)

What I miss: Not having my aching body dictate my life.  I went to the chiropractor last week and am going again this week.  Apparently I have a slipped rib head (oh joy)!

Milestones: My mama felt baby girl move!

Bump Check: Week 22

Hello ladies and gentlemen.  This week on “Wow, this is way too much information”, we’ll be discussing pee and poop.

Not surprising pee news: Yes, you do pee more when you’re pregnant.  It was really bad during my 1^st trimester because of some hormone that I should remember the name of, but don’t.  Now, during my 2^nd trimester, it’s really not a problem.  I think I pee the same amount I did before I was pregnant, maybe an extra time at night.  Oh, when I eat onions or garlic, my pee smells like onions or garlic.  I think it’s always been that way, though.  Just wanted to share.  It’s like revisiting a delicious meal every time you head to the toilet.

Surprising pee news: I pee when I sneeze.  I mean, I figured this might be an issue after giving birth because your lady parts are a little loosey goosey…but 22 weeks?  Peeing while sneezing?  Apparently it happens.  Now, it doesn’t happen every time, so if you’re around me and I sneeze, don’t start looking at me like, “Michelle, is it warm down there now?”  Trust me…if I pee a little, you’ll know it based on my face. 

Let’s discuss pooping.  *Side note: I was trading euphemisms for pooping with my students and after I shared “dropping the kids off at the pool”, I learned this little gem from a student: “I hope the Browns make it to the Superbowl”.  It’s my new favorite.

Men: This is your last portion of this week’s blog post.  Girls don’t poop.  We might sit on the toilet, but butterflies and daisies come out.  That is all…you can go on with whatever you were doing online before you starting reading about me peeing my pants.

Ladies: Face it…we poop, and it ain’t always pretty.  Pregnancy poop seems to be a bit different (at least for me).  I’ve been taking a pre-natal vitamin during the pregnancy because apparently I don’t get enough vitamins from Pop Tarts and mozzarella sticks. 

·      Pre-natal vitamin PRO’s: They’re good for the baby and good for me too.  Supposedly these vitamins will make my hair shiny.  I’m not usually worried about my hair being shiny enough.  I’m more so worried about how foofy it is and if I can get away with one more day of not washing it.  None-the-less, shiny hair is supposed to be a pro of pre-natal vitamins.

·      Pre-natal vitamin CON’s: They make your poop smell weird.  I can’t really describe the smell…maybe sort of poop/mud?  That’s not the biggest con.  Pre-natal vitamins make your poop sticky (at least it makes my poop sticky).  Pardon my language, but it is mandatory for this description.  Have you ever had what is referred to as a “miracle shit”?  They’re like the platinum version of pooping.  You poop and after you wipe, you check out the toilet paper and there’s no poop on it!  That, my friends, is a miracle shit.  When you’re taking pre-natal vitamins, however, you have the opposite of a miracle shit.  I used thesaurus.com to look up an antonym for “miracle” and I think I’m going to call this kind of poop a “disadvantage dookie”.  A disadvantage dookie could be the smallest, lady-like pooplette ever, and you use ½ a roll of toilet paper cleaning up that mess.  To put this in perspective, I recently had a double flusher (I’m sure you can figure out what that is) at my work because of the amount of toilet paper needed after my disadvantage dookie.  A double flusher with public high school-quality flush capacity is something to be impressed by.

If you ask me in public if girls poop, I will tell you no.

XOXO

How far along: 22 weeks

Current fruit comparison: My trusty “What to Expect When Expecting” iPhone app says baby girl is as big as a papaya now!

Total weight gain/loss: +11.4 lbs

Sleep: No problems yet!

Best moment this week: Receiving and putting together baby girl’s new stroller! See photo below…

Movement: Yes, just waiting for Scott to be able to feel her consistently.

Food cravings: Lemonade (duh)

Free food from students: breakfast burrito, cookie, Whatchamacallit (yum-o!), sour gummy worms

What I miss: A Goodcent's sandwich.  The warmer weather is making me want one even more but apparently cold deli meat is now a pregnancy no-no.

Milestones: Baby hit the 1lb mark!  Way to go, girl.

 Yay!  I'm obsessed!

Bump Check: Week 21

FYI: It's not always indigestion...sometimes it's a baby moving!

One of the things I've been most looking forward to is feeling our baby girl move, and it's finally happened.  Every day, I feel a little something...usually when I'm laying down but sometimes when I'm sitting at my desk at work.  All the pregnancy websites and books say that this is what it will feel like the first time:

That's a lie.  It feels like this:

 

I imagine the birth of this adorable, alien child going one of two ways. 
Scenario 1: Based on what I'm feeling now, it might look a little something like one of my favorite scenes from the cinematic masterpiece, Spaceballs. 
Scenario 2 (which is MUCH more likely than option 1): I will go to the hospital in no pain, stand and open my legs, and the baby will fall out into a pool of soft cotton balls.  She will not cry, just smile and laugh. She also won't be covered in any weird baby goop or have little chunklets of stuff on her (what is that crap, anyway)?  Additionally, I will not poop during this process.

I'll keep you updated as the movements start getting more frequent and noticeable and (hopefully) less alien-like.  Scott felt one little kick from her and it was great!  I can’t wait for him to feel her move much more consistently.

  

How far along: 21 weeks

Current fruit comparison: I think we’re still at banana.  I’m pretty sure the farther along you get, the less fruit changing there is.

Total weight gain/loss: +10.2lbs

Sleep: Wonderful!  Really, laying down is the only thing that makes my back feel better, so I love laying in bed.  Also, I thought the 1^st trimester was supposed to be the sleepy/tired phase…but I still snooze on the couch for a little bit almost every day.

Best moment this week: Meeting with a cute lady from www.teenygreenykc.com to discuss cloth diaper options!  More on this later…

Movement: Alien baby.  That is all.

Food cravings: Lemonade!!  Full sugar…no “diet” lemonade for me.  Also, I'm craving salads, maybe because summer’s coming…so, I’m craving colder food.

Free food from students: Chocolate muffin.  And though it’s not food, a girl who is about to graduate brought me a little pair of pink baby shoes.  Pretty cute of her!

What I miss: Not having back pain (poor me…wah wah wah)

Milestones: Scott feeling baby girl move!

Bump Check: Week 20

First and foremost…we’re having a baby girl!!  What?!  I’m so excited and so happy that we no longer have to refer to Baby Dicus as “it” but rather, “her”.  It’s so wonderful.   Homegirl is already the best dressed baby on the block, thanks to my mom & pop! Pardon the poor, iPhone quality snapshot...sorry, Dad. I promise I'll take pictures with a REAL camera too. :)

Our sonogram was last Friday and it was pretty much amazing.  The sonographer put the magic wand/warm goop thingy on my stomach and within what seemed like 20 seconds, we saw the baby’s bojangles.  [Note: Bojangles is the word I use with my dance team girls to describe their lady parts.  “Girls, please be thoughtful about this portion of the dance.  So far, I’ve seen half of your bojangles and that’s too much.”]  Anywho, the sonographer snapped a “photo” of baby girl’s bojangles and almost immediately after, Baby Dicus crossed her legs so her parts were hidden.  I think she was appalled that anyone would take a picture of her hoohah and was just trying to remain a lady.  It’s good to know that we’re not going to have a little hoochie mama.  This was our third sonogram so far, but this was the first sonogram where I cried.  This is not, however, the first time I’ve cried this week.

Let’s discuss what has made me cry this week.  My hormones are JERKS.

1. Gender sonogram.
2. When I reached too far, kind of pulled a stomach muscle, and thought I wasn’t taking good care of the baby.
3. When Scott went out of town for 3 nights.
4. When I wanted to schedule a pre-natal massage with a specialist, and she wasn’t available until June.  (Don’t worry, I didn’t cry until AFTER I hung up.)
5. When Oprah gave away a car.
6. When Oprah gave away a dream wedding trip.
7. When Oprah applauded the Freedom Riders.
8. When Oprah had a live proposal on her show.
9. When Oprah blinked.  Well, not really, but it pretty much seems like whatever Oprah does makes me cry.  Good thing there’s only a few episodes left.

Luckily, I have yet to cry at school.  My students seriously are being so wonderful, sweet, and curious with everything baby.  They are so incredibly invested in the baby, it’s as if I’m carrying THEIR child.  (Luckily for my career AND marriage, none of my students are the father).  Last week, I had students take an online survey where they guessed the baby’s gender, suggested names for both genders, and gave parenting advice.  Some of them were so thoughtful and some of them were offensive.  Here we go!

Gender Guesses: Girl – 41%, Boy – 59%

Sampling of Possible Boy Names: Michael (4 suggestions), Scott LeRon Dicus, Kobe Dicus, Pilgram, Osama Bin Dicus

Sampling of Possible Girl Names: Ka’Mya, Phoenix, Mu Mu, Sogouda, Michelle Jr, Misama La Dicus

Parenting Advice (pardon any weird typos…I’m copying and pasting):

• Love and hold your baby as much as you can.
• Do not cuss and beat your child. And do not neglect your child.
• Be a mother just like your a teacher, fun.
• When its older, feed it Mexican food, lol.
• Try to keep your Child very healthy and keep Baby Dicus in sports.
• Make him like a sport at a young age since now a days there is a high obisity rate.
• If your baby starts to cry, stick in the closet with some cheez-its. If you need a babysitter, I’m available. Lol
• Four beatings a day and have four other babies - call them the Dicus Five. You’d be like Joe Jackson!
• Clean yo’ baby’s booty.
• From a male student (awkward): Take good care of the baby. Don’t leave the baby alone at all costs.  It’s better if u breast feed him.
• Don’t drop the baby.
• To make sure you always spend time with your baby and always check on him/her if they look sad, depressed or anything and make sure you always always love him/her no matter what they think, say, or do. I really hope u have a girl.

I love my students, I love my job, I love my patient husband, and I love our baby so much already!

How far along: 20 weeks

Current fruit comparison: Banana…what?  This one confuses me. Oh well, I like bananas.

Total weight gain/loss: +10lbs.  No change from last week.  The good news?  At the doctor last week, the nurse practitioner offered up the news that my weight gain was right on track. Phew!

Sleep: Pretty good.  Scott was out of town some of last week, so my sleep wasn’t so good then, but other than that, I’ve been doing well!

Best moment this week: Finding out that we’re having a girl & then a wonderful girly shopping spree with Scott & my parents!

Movement: YES!  On Mother’s Day morning, I was laying in bed, and all of a sudden it felt like someone was inside of my stomach lightly tapping on my belly.  So fun!  I report to Scott anytime I feel her move.

Food cravings: The Chick Fil A lemonade is still my #1, but the cost was adding up, so I’m supplementing my habit with Simply Lemonade from the grocery store.

Free food from students: Homemade beef stroganoff.  It’s good to have a former student in a foods class!

What I miss: This week, I miss sitting or standing without any back pain.  I pretty much lay down whenever I can.

Milestones: Feeling Baby Girl move!

Bump Check: Week 19

Get excited, because this post is dedicated to how your breasts change during pregnancy.

SPOILER ALERT: They get bigger.

One of the first symptoms I felt during pregnancy was tender breasts.  This is a very common first symptom for women, including one of my students.  Here’s a recap from a conversation I recently had with one of my students before she knew she was pregnant.

Student: Hey Miss.  What’s in mean when yo’ titties hurt?

Mrs. Dicus: I hate the T-word, first of all.

Student: Fine…breasts [in a sarcastic tone].

Mrs. Dicus: Well, could you be pregnant?

Student: I don’t think so.

The next day she showed up to school with a note from a local clinic with information on her positive pregnancy test.  First she cried about it, but after about 20 minutes of quiet reading, she decided that she was excited and already had names picked out.  Seriously, my pregnant students act like they’re adopting a dog.  It’s very odd/sad.

Now, onto everybody’s favorite subject, my breasts.

I always like to joke about my “Nearly A’s”.  But seriously, these bad boys are hard to control as of late.  Recently, I noticed my bras weren’t fitting properly…and by not fitting properly, and mean didn’t even cover my nipple.  That’s a problem (Scott might argue otherwise).

My mom has taken such good care of me during my pregnancy…okay, she takes good care of me all the time, but she’s being extra gracious and thoughtful right now, which has been so wonderful.  She came up to Kansas City for a day of shopping and I said, “Mom, before we look for maternity clothes, I really need to buy a couple new bras.  These just ain’t cuttin’ it anymore.”  Okay everyone, prepare to be amazed or disgusted..  The bras I was wearing on an every day basis were the exact same bras my mom bought me at Weaver’s in Lawrence my freshman year of college.  That’s right, 2002.  My bras are 9 years old.  Don’t judge.

Now, these particular bras purchased in 2002 were “demi bras”.  Lingerie education: demi bras show more of your boob than normal, but are still supportive.  They made me feel a bit cuter.  I have created illustrations to help you along this journey.  Below is my illustration of a boob in a demi bra.

  

After 19+ weeks of pregnancy, the size of my bust has indeed increased.  With the help of my PG-friendly nipple, below is how my demi bras have started to fit.

My mom and I ventured to Macy’s where we clearly thought we knew my breasts best.  We shopped for the sizes we thought I needed (I had been wearing a 34A, so we picked up 34B’s and 36B’s).  After some failed attempts in the dressing room, we finally had a bra fitter come in and size me.  I apparently went from a 34A to a 34D!!  What?!  That is a lot for me to manage (I mean, literally, how do I manage these?  Do I give them a bonus?  Do I put them on a discipline referral for their annoyance?  How do I manage them?). 

We tried to find a bra that fit but wasn’t too matronly.  Based on Scott’s reaction to the bra, I’m not sure we accomplished that goal, but they’re comfortable none-the-less.  I wore one of my new bras out of the store, so when I walked into our house, I put my shopping bags down and lifted up my shirt to show off my new purchase.  Scott’s reaction?  “Whoa. That’s a big bra.”  Below is my illustration.

 [Wah waaaah]

*Side story: Mom noted this was so much better than the first time we went bra shopping together circa 1997 and I cried in the dressing room.  I would wait until I got to school to put on my sports bra because I didn’t want my dad to feel it when he hugged me goodbye in the morning.  When I got to school, however, it was a different story.  I’m pretty sure the neck of my favorite Free Willy shirt was permanently stretched out from me pulling at my neckline to show off my bra strap.  I was such a hussy.

 

How far along: 19 weeks

Current fruit comparison: Baby is the size of a cantaloupe.  What?!

Total weight gain/loss: +10lbs – yikes! 2lbs in one week.  Gotta slow down on the Chick Fil A…

Sleep: Pretty good.  Have a body pillow now that I thought would boot Scott out of the bed, but it hasn’t!  Yay.

Best moment this week: Watching Scott put together baby’s bassinet while I cleaned out the nursery closet

Movement: Not yet…boo!  I thought maybe I was feeling something move in there, but then I farted.

Food cravings: Apples still…oh, and Chick Fil A lemonade.  It’s sooo good!

Free food from students: Homemade sausage & egg sandwich.  That’s all I got this week!  What’s wrong with these selfish kids?!  Don’t they know I’m hungry?

What I miss: Goodcents.  Seriously…apparently you can’t eat lunchmeat when you’re knocked up because there’s a risk of a bacteria called listeria.

Milestones: Consistently groaning a bit while tying my shoes.  Is that a milestone?