Hello ladies and gentlemen. This week on “Wow, this is way too much information”, we’ll be discussing pee and poop.
Not surprising pee news: Yes, you do pee more when you’re pregnant. It was really bad during my 1st trimester because of some hormone that I should remember the name of, but don’t. Now, during my 2nd trimester, it’s really not a problem. I think I pee the same amount I did before I was pregnant, maybe an extra time at night. Oh, when I eat onions or garlic, my pee smells like onions or garlic. I think it’s always been that way, though. Just wanted to share. It’s like revisiting a delicious meal every time you head to the toilet.
Surprising pee news: I pee when I sneeze. I mean, I figured this might be an issue after giving birth because your lady parts are a little loosey goosey…but 22 weeks? Peeing while sneezing? Apparently it happens. Now, it doesn’t happen every time, so if you’re around me and I sneeze, don’t start looking at me like, “Michelle, is it warm down there now?” Trust me…if I pee a little, you’ll know it based on my face.
Let’s discuss pooping. *Side note: I was trading euphemisms for pooping with my students and after I shared “dropping the kids off at the pool”, I learned this little gem from a student: “I hope the Browns make it to the Superbowl”. It’s my new favorite.
Men: This is your last portion of this week’s blog post. Girls don’t poop. We might sit on the toilet, but butterflies and daisies come out. That is all…you can go on with whatever you were doing online before you starting reading about me peeing my pants.
Ladies: Face it…we poop, and it ain’t always pretty. Pregnancy poop seems to be a bit different (at least for me). I’ve been taking a pre-natal vitamin during the pregnancy because apparently I don’t get enough vitamins from Pop Tarts and mozzarella sticks.
· Pre-natal vitamin PRO’s: They’re good for the baby and good for me too. Supposedly these vitamins will make my hair shiny. I’m not usually worried about my hair being shiny enough. I’m more so worried about how foofy it is and if I can get away with one more day of not washing it. None-the-less, shiny hair is supposed to be a pro of pre-natal vitamins.
· Pre-natal vitamin CON’s: They make your poop smell weird. I can’t really describe the smell…maybe sort of poop/mud? That’s not the biggest con. Pre-natal vitamins make your poop sticky (at least it makes my poop sticky). Pardon my language, but it is mandatory for this description. Have you ever had what is referred to as a “miracle shit”? They’re like the platinum version of pooping. You poop and after you wipe, you check out the toilet paper and there’s no poop on it! That, my friends, is a miracle shit. When you’re taking pre-natal vitamins, however, you have the opposite of a miracle shit. I used thesaurus.com to look up an antonym for “miracle” and I think I’m going to call this kind of poop a “disadvantage dookie”. A disadvantage dookie could be the smallest, lady-like pooplette ever, and you use ½ a roll of toilet paper cleaning up that mess. To put this in perspective, I recently had a double flusher (I’m sure you can figure out what that is) at my work because of the amount of toilet paper needed after my disadvantage dookie. A double flusher with public high school-quality flush capacity is something to be impressed by.
If you ask me in public if girls poop, I will tell you no.
XOXO
How far along: 22 weeks
Current fruit comparison: My trusty “What to Expect When Expecting” iPhone app says baby girl is as big as a papaya now!
Total weight gain/loss: +11.4 lbs
Sleep: No problems yet!
Best moment this week: Receiving and putting together baby girl’s new stroller! See photo below…
Movement: Yes, just waiting for Scott to be able to feel her consistently.
Food cravings: Lemonade (duh)
Free food from students: breakfast burrito, cookie, Whatchamacallit (yum-o!), sour gummy worms
What I miss: A Goodcent's sandwich. The warmer weather is making me want one even more but apparently cold deli meat is now a pregnancy no-no.
Milestones: Baby hit the 1lb mark! Way to go, girl.
Yay! I'm obsessed!
3 comments:
Exactly what I pictured your baby's stroller would look like. Thanks for coming through on that one, Dicus.
I just peed my pants today after sneezing. Post-baby bladders are useless!
This post made me think of a book I read that has a whole chapter on pooping with lots of funny euphemisms. Skinny Bitch: Bun in the Oven- I only read this version because I wanted to read the original, but my coworker had loaned that copy to someone else and told me that the majority of the two were the same (I just needed to skip the chapters on breast feeding) You might enjoy this book, however warning: it can ruin yummy foods like pulled pork for you.
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